Hi Reader,

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I went to see a play this week. It was by a theatre company run by people with disabilities, and it poked fun at the attitudes we have towards a range of 'isms' - racism, sexism, ableism and more. It asked tough questions like "is there a hierarchy of these 'isms'?" Is being racist worse than being sexist, and is being sexist worse than being ableist?

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Part of it focused on the character of a well-meaning HR director, who was trying incredibly carefully to ensure everyone felt comfortable and not discriminated against, whilst living with a constant sense of anxiety and dread at the thought of saying or doing the wrong thing.

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And it used humour and some difficult moral dilemmas to ask tough questions about what happens when we might need to prioritise the needs of one person or one group above the needs of another. And we were all as audience members invited to question our attitudes, think about the privileges we hold (such as not being disabled) and the anxiety that exists alongside that privilege.

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I am not disabled, but I have a disabled son. It means I'm exposed to some of the discrimination, the systems that (unusually unwittingly) are difficult to access. I fill in his disability forms, and apply for his blue badge, and I cheerfully fight my local council so he can access education properly.

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But I also experience the anxiety part. I want to be inclusive in the way I work, and with those around me. I worry about getting that wrong, or saying the wrong thing, or unwittingly not considering the needs of someone else.

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And I'm sometimes on the other end of anxiety too - I can feel people clam up or hear in their voices that they're worried about using the wrong words when we're talking about him.

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Creating a world or a workplace free from discrimination and where people are free to be themselves and to flourish as themselves is incredibly important. It can also be complicated, nuanced and even at times, messy. It takes a lot of communication and navigation, maybe even negotiation, to get it anywhere close to right.

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And often what's needed to create good dialogue around this stuff is actually the permission to screw up - being given the benefit of the doubt.

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When we give someone the benefit of the doubt, we are saying that we believe their intentions are good even if their actions missed the mark that one time, or even if they unwittingly said a word that might cause offence.

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When we've given someone the benefit of the doubt, we can then bring kindness to a conversation about where their impact didn't match their intent, and what they can learn from it.

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The alternative to giving someone the benefit of the doubt is to cancel them or punish them. We define them by the worst mistake they've made rather than recognise their intentions, and we deny (for all of us) the idea that life is a constant opportunity for growth and learning.

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So when you believe in someone's intentions, give them the benefit of the doubt. Give them the permission to make mistakes in exchange for you having the permission to challenge them (and vice versa). And with that, we all have a better chance to create a world that plays to all of our strengths.

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Have a great week,

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Graham

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